It was an ordinary evening just outside a tiny local liquor store on Vancouver Island. Canada Day weekend was approaching, and the small island town was buzzing with tourists and locals alike, preparing themselves for the celebrations of the nation’s 150th birthday.
The sun had set, and the coastal air cooled the seaside hamlets quickly. The breeze outside was brisk for a summer evening. A young woman approached the store, guided by two boisterous dogs sharing a single leash. As she tied the dogs up outside to enter the store, we started to chat. I had seen her a couple times before, and always enjoyed hearing her stories. She had recently returned to the island from a trip to Mexico, and was struggling to reestablish herself here. She explained how she craved more women in her life, and without really thinking about it, I physically raised my hand and volunteered my friendship.
I guess I should explain just how out of the ordinary this is for me:
I won’t lie to you, my relationships with other women have never been particularly successful – I can literally count the women I trust to this day on a single hand, and that’s including my mother and sister. That’s not to say I don’t love and respect women, I am thoroughly feminist. However, I have had a couple of experiences with other women that have made reaching out and making friends very difficult.
But here I was, actually volunteering myself for friendship.
Damn, she must be really lonely. Right?
Well, maybe, I don’t have many friends on the island yet. But as I went about the rest of my evening, closing up that little local liqour store, I reflected on my actions earlier that night, and realized I have an ulterior motive.
See, if I’ve leared anything from life thus far, it’s that I have control over very little in it. The one thing I can control is my outlook. To this day, I maintain that my experiences do not reflect those of all women. Though my trust may be shattered after years of being considered disposable, and although I still get major feelings of inadequacy around women these days, I push myself to communicate on a deeper level with other women on a regular basis, regardless of how much we may or may not have in common superficially: determined to prove myself wrong. So far, it’s been working out pretty well for me.
If only there were sites for finding friends the way there are for finding dates, then I’d have my friendship profile ready to go in a heartbeat.
Kat, 22. Female seeking female.
Hobbies/Interests: Outdoor photography, hiking, camping
Likes: long walks on the beach. Especially if you want to bring your dog.
Dislikes: crowded spaces
See? I’m set. Now all I need is to put my faith in an algorithm that can pick potential friends out for me. I have, after all, made some pretty poor choices.
I guess it would be inaccurate not to mention that my poor decision-making abilities extended into the relationships themselves, and by default I’ve had a couple gems slip through my fingers along the way. Fortunately, a few still bless my life to this day. Alas, I’m not aware of any of any online friend finding websites, so its back to my original theory: I’ll never find the gems unless I’m willing to sift through the rubble.